


Hiding Little Drops of Red

by mage_989



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-27
Updated: 2014-02-02
Packaged: 2017-12-24 19:25:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 7,373
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/943741
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mage_989/pseuds/mage_989
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>McCoy discovers he has xenopolycythemia and decides not to inform his two lovers.  He's a doctor, he's not supposed to tell them about things he can't fix.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is story fill for a prompt on the Star Trek Into Darkness kink meme.

 

“I knew I wouldn’t die because the two of you were with me. I’ve always known…I’ll die alone.”

 

It had seemed like a good idea at the time, a necessary one even given recent events. McCoy just didn’t expect to get a death sentence while performing a simple physical check. Setting the scanner down he quickly went to his office door and made sure it was locked tightly. When he was positive no one could walk in unannounced McCoy reset and re-calibrated the scanner. Then he ran it again.

The results came back the same.

Dropping the scanner McCoy pulled out another one from his desk and tried again. For the third time the results came back the same, forcing him to accept reality. He had xenopolycythemia. There was no cure. He had a year to live if he was lucky.

McCoy collapsed against the top of his desk, burying his face in his arms. His breathing was heavy as he fought the urge to cry. As he listened to his breathing he began to wonder how he hadn’t noticed this before. The laboured breathing he had put down to not enough exercise. The fatigue and slight weakness in his legs he had brushed off as just being too old to run around sickbay pulling double shifts anymore. Rationally he knew it wouldn’t have mattered even if he had put the symptoms together earlier. Early detection didn’t change the prognosis for this. Still he thought he should have known what was happening with his own body, he was a doctor.

McCoy curled his hands into fists and slammed them against the desk. Yes, he was a doctor, dammit, and he had patients to look after. This was no time to wallow in self-pity.

Getting up he left his office and went down to the main area of sickbay, stopping at the isolation ward. Quietly he looked in and nodded as he saw that the vitals were all still in the green, good. McCoy couldn’t hold back a smile as he looked down as the occupant of the bed. Jim was curled up on his side, sleeping like a baby now that the fever had finally broken. Spock was beside him slumped in a chair with his head on the bio-bed, his fingers intertwined with Jim’s. McCoy shook his head. The Vulcan had finally worked himself to exhaustion after three intense days in the labs struggling for a new cure when Jim had been diagnosed with Vegan choriomeningitis and there would be no way to get the needed medical supplies to treat him in time. McCoy couldn’t deny that Spock had done it though, had pulled out that last minute save and that Jim was safe now and healing.

Going to a cupboard McCoy pulled out an extra blanket, draping it over Spock. He always said the temperature in sickbay was tolerable, which was Vulcan code for ‘as comfortable as standing in a meat locker’; McCoy didn’t want him getting chilled. Then he turned his attention back to Jim, brushing a stray lock of hair away from his face. It had been a close call this time. McCoy shuddered as he remembered that the time before this couldn’t even be called close. Of how Jim had been brought to him in a bag, utterly still and growing cold; only being saved because of a benevolent superman and some quick thinking. McCoy sighed because he knew that unlike Jim he wasn’t favoured by the universe. There would be no superhuman blood, no scientific breakthrough at the eleventh hour that would save him. But what made it worse was that he knew he couldn’t tell them about his disease now. This brush with death was too fresh. If he put Jim under too much stress he could relapse; and Spock would make himself sick with worry if he knew, no matter how much he claimed that Vulcans did not worry.

McCoy couldn’t tell them he was dying. He loved them too much to hurt them.


	2. Chapter 2

“For the last time, Jim, I am not releasing you! So get back in bed and stop bothering my staff!”

“Come on, Bones, it’s boring here!”

“It’s sickbay, Jim, we’re not here for your amusement! We’re here to make sure you heal properly.”

“Bones, look if I’m okay to walk around here why can’t I leave?”

“Because I’ve been treating you on this ship for almost five years, Jim, I know how you work. The minute you leave here you’re going to go straight to the bridge and work yourself to exhaustion. Then Spock will carry you back in here, where you’ll be stuck in bed with restraints for another week. I don’t need that kind of stress in my life right now so get your ass back in bed and stay there.”

Jim smirked and tilted his hips, running one hand along McCoy’s arm. “Is that an invitation, Bones?”

McCoy rolled his eyes. “Flirtin’ ain’t gonna get you out of here any faster, Jim, so knock it off.”

“Is something wrong, Leonard?”

McCoy jumped, and Jim smiled over McCoy’s shoulder.

“Hey, Spock, how’s our ship?”

McCoy glared at Spock for sneaking in so quietly. Spock just stared back at him innocently and answered Jim’s question.

“Our course back to Earth remains on schedule, and crew morale has seen a 26.5% increase since news of your steady recovery.”

“See, Jim? The ship’s fine and the crew is fine when they know you aren’t on death’s doorstep. Now is that enough incentive to do as I say?”

“Leonard, I agree that Jim’s recovery is paramount, but surly I could watch him in our quarters?”

“No, Spock, he’s here until tomorrow, longer if he stays on his feet like this. Now I don’t care how you do it just get him back to bed and out of my hair,” McCoy said, rubbing his eyes as he tried to fight off a headache.

Sensing McCoy’s distress Spock quickly got Jim back to his room and McCoy finally managed to finish his rounds. Afterwards he ducked into the labs to check on his private test. Checking the readouts he could see that the new serum was almost complete. It was experimental barely out of the initial testing stages. He would never have even been on the list of eligible candidates for the treatment, if the one responsible for it wasn’t an old pal from his residency days and had pulled a few strings for him. Still from the looks of things it would be ready by the end of the week. It wouldn’t cure him, but it might buy him just a little bit more time.

Satisfied McCoy went out to check on Jim and found him and Spock in his room playing chess quietly. Jim was even resting in bed, propped up by several pillows. McCoy sighed in frustration. He had dealt with Jim all day, trying to get him to rest and recover, and Spock had achieved that in fifteen minutes. He knew why though Spock and Jim were in sync. The first bumpy months before Khan had long since been smoothed out. They were the best command team in the fleet. Meanwhile he was just the guy who patched them up when they returned from their adventures bruised and broken, no matter how much they protested to his treatments. Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain as the old saying went.

Even now they had been making plans for what they would do when the five year mission was over. They were getting ready for the next great adventure. They didn’t have a kid back on Earth who they wanted to see again before she wasn’t a kid anymore. They were still young and optimistic it obviously hadn’t occurred to them that he wasn’t and wasn’t even sure if he wanted to go out into space again.

Well what he wanted or didn’t want wasn’t relevant now. Still Jim and Spock had started the relationship without him they could do that again. They would have to go on without him anyway and McCoy knew they could do it.

It hurt to think about that. Jim and Spock had been the first serious relationship he had since his divorce, hell if they had made it another year it would have lasted longer than his marriage. They weren’t going to get that chance now. It would be better for all of them like this though. To pull away now rather than having his lovers watch him waste away in front of them. Truly the best thing he could do for them was to let them love each other without him.


	3. Chapter 3

McCoy stood in the bathroom. The small light above the sink was his only source of illumination. Jim and Spock were still asleep in the next room and he didn’t want to wake them. They were never supposed to see him like this, so…weak. He was the doctor he was the one who was supposed to heal the sick and treat the injured. He wasn’t used to being so helpless. Still the serum was helping to manage his symptoms at least for a while. But the thinners that helped keep his blood flow up and reduce the chances of forming clots also had the side effect of giving him terrible nosebleeds. McCoy tossed the now red soaked towel into the sink and grabbed another one as the flow of blood continued. 

While the effects were severe they were worth it if the serum could help him make it back to Earth in time. He had been keeping records of his blood cell counts and oxygen levels to add to the data pool for the study on the serum, and his numbers had remained quite steady so far. That meant there would still be time to be with Joanna before the worst of it set in. McCoy shuddered as he remembered the last months of his own father’s life. Watching that vibrant, bright, strong man fade away as his body was ravaged by the disease; crying because of the pain that the drugs couldn’t take away. McCoy sitting helpless by his bedside simply waiting for the end with a shell of the man he had once known. His daughter wasn’t allowed to go through that.

When the nosebleed had finally stopped McCoy washed his face, gathered up the cloths, and tossed them down the laundry chute. Then he made sure the sink was completely clean before heading back into the bedroom. 

Jim and Spock were just where he had left them, tangled in each other’s arms. McCoy stood there just watching them sleep, taking in the way Spock’s hair always got mussed by the pillows. The way Jim was hogging the covers just like he always did. McCoy knew this would be the last time he would see them like this. It was sheer dumb luck that he had woken up right before the nosebleed started. If he hadn’t they would have seen him and he would have had to explain about something he couldn’t fix. McCoy put his hand on the wall to steady himself as a wave of dizziness suddenly passed over him. Yeah it wasn’t just the nosebleeds it was the other symptoms too, and Jim and Spock weren’t stupid they would eventually figure out that something was wrong. He had to leave, he couldn’t be selfish anymore. McCoy leaned down tracing the point of one of Spock’s ears and kissing Jim lightly on his cheek. Then he turned away from them, hesitating just by the door, but didn’t turn back as he left the room. 

***

Jim and Spock sat on the bed in their quarters hoping that any moment now the door would swish open and McCoy would come through. They had woken up alone that morning and hadn’t been informed about an emergency in sickbay that would have called McCoy away early. Still, they hoped all day that they would hear news that there was a proper reason for his absence; it never came. They knew something was off with McCoy. He no longer came to visit them on the bridge. At breakfast he talked to them very little and ate practically nothing. Their dinners together had dwindled down to nothing, McCoy always giving the excuse that he had to work late. But at the end of the day, no matter how late it was, he always came back to their quarters, to their bed. Now they were alone. 

“He’s not coming is he?” Jim asked, his voice hollow.

Instead of answering Spock drew his arms around Jim, resting his head on Jim’s shoulder in his own desire for support. 

“I don’t understand, Spock, what did we do?”

Jim knew being an annoying ass in sickbay during his recovery a few weeks ago probably hadn’t been the best idea. But he had never been a good patient, was that really worth breaking up over? 

“Perhaps Leonard is concerned about the end of our mission and acting illogically,” Spock suggested.

“What does he have to be worried about? Command will never break up him and Christine. They’re the best pair of doctors in the fleet.”

“Indeed. However, that does not guarantee that they will remain on the Enterprise, or that we will for that matter.”

“I know, but we’ve been submitting our reports highlighting the teamwork and bonds that the crew has built over the years. How important that all is and that we should remain intact if at all possible. We’ve talked about this, Spock. We won’t be split up without a fight.”

“Yes, we have discussed it, Jim, we have made plans for ourselves, but due to our heavy and often conflicting schedules we have not talked to Leonard about any of this.” Spock reached over and picked up a picture on the small table beside the bed. It showed a young girl with her hair in pigtails and a bright smile on her face. “It may be that he does not wish to re-enlist for another mission at all.” 

“We talked about it when we were off duty…” Jim trailed off as he realized that they talked about over chess while Bones watched them. Well actually Bones usually fell asleep halfway through the game. Jim had just assumed he was bored, but if it was something else. If he had felt left out, that he wasn’t important enough to be included in such plans then no wonder he wanted out of their relationship.

“We have to talk to him.”

Jim made to get off the bed, but Spock grabbed his arm to stop him.

“Jim, wait! We should not approach Leonard so quickly.”

“Why not?! We have to tell him we're sorry and the sooner the better.”

“Jim, this has obviously been building for some time. Leonard has limited much of his contact with us in recent weeks and only now has apparently broken ties entirely. If we act immediately he may think we are being insincere. That we only want to fix the situation right now and not deal with any underlying issues. It would be best if we give all of us time to ‘cool off’ as you say so that we may approach this rationally.” 

Jim had to admit he had a point. When Jim thought back on it he realized that Bones had been acting strangely not just with them, but with others too. Reports from him had started to come in late; people were complaining that he was more surly than usual. Whatever was going on with Bones it was affecting everything about his life both personal and professional. Spock was right cornering Bones right this minute to work it all out really wasn’t the best idea. 

Jim sighed as he sat back down on the bed. As much as it hurt to do so they’d give Bones some space and some time to himself. They would think carefully about how to approach him, show him how much they loved him, and that they didn’t mean to leave him out of their lives. Then everything would be all right again Jim was sure of it.


	4. Chapter 4

“Doctor McCoy, what the hell is this!?”

Jim threw the PADD against his desk. McCoy barely glanced at the screen. 

“It’s a transfer inquiry.”

“I know what it is! I want to know why the hell you sent it!”

“I thought it would beneficial to look at other options-”

“Other options?! Dammit our mission is over! We’re going back to Earth to have the ship refit and be reassigned. What other options do you need in the next six months?!”

McCoy said nothing. To Jim it was ridiculous he had life after the mission to plan for, but for McCoy months meant everything to him now. If there was a way he could make it back to Earth faster he wanted to find it. 

“Have we displeased you so much that you no longer even wish to remain on the same ship with us?” Spock asked.

“This has nothing to do with you, Spock,” McCoy said icily.

Jim’s eyes narrowed as his anger reached a new peak. He and Spock had spent so much time trying to figure out what to say to him, how to apologize properly, and all McCoy could do was try to run away from them. Well McCoy could jerk them around all he wanted, but Jim wasn’t going to let him ruin the working balance of the ship. 

“Well whatever it has to do with you can put it away for the next two days, McCoy. Admiral Lester is coming onboard tomorrow to evaluate us. Now while she is here I expect you to act like you’re still a member of this crew and that we actually mean something to you. Is that clear?”

McCoy’s hands curled against his legs. “Crystal, Captain,” he ground out.

McCoy turned and left their quarters and strode purposefully down the hall to the turbolift. The moment the lift doors closed though McCoy’s knees buckled and he fell against the wall. Grabbing the hand rail he tried to stay upright as the dizziness set in and the nausea threatened to make him lose what little dinner he had eaten.

At that moment all McCoy wanted to do was literally crawl back to Jim and Spock and tell them everything so they would hold him and tell him lies about how everything was going to be all right. 

But it wasn’t going to be all right and he knew it. So it was better to have them angry now then devastated later. It was better this way McCoy reminded himself. It was it was.

***

McCoy hated his dress uniform. It was tight and the clips for his medals and commendations itched as they rubbed against his skin. Also the stupid collar made him feel like his neck was in a sling. His fingers twitched as he resisted the urge to pull on the fabric and stretch it out. Still he had the stupid uniform cleaned and pressed that morning and had arrived at hangar bay to greet Admiral Lester. She was a strict crisp lady who wanted to skip the usual niceties of tours and banquets and get straight to work. So McCoy stood next to Jim and Spock as she went up and down the rows of department heads and security personnel, questioning them on their duties and responsibilities. 

As the inspection went on though McCoy began to feel worse in ways that had nothing to do with the too tight uniform. The room was too bright and it was making his head hurt and McCoy found he really couldn’t breathe well anymore. His breath started coming in short almost wheezing gasps, and the familiar smell of iron started filling his nose. 

No not here, he thought, not now.

He had an emergency hypospray in the medical bag on his hip, but he couldn’t get to it with the admiral still doing rounds. He didn’t want to explain to Jim and Spock what was wrong, and he certainly didn’t want to do it with Admiral Lester and half the crew watching. So he tilted his head up and tried to breath slowly, trying to keep some control for a little while longer.  


Admiral Lester finished with Jim and stepped over to McCoy.

“Doctor McCoy, Captain Kirk has told me how he believes that this crew’s years of service together have proven invaluable in building proficiency and moral. In your professional opinion do you agree with him?” 

“I do.”

“I see, and you don’t think having two people holding the same position in authority and skill such as Doctor Chapel and yourself is wasting resources on one ship as opposed to spreading personnel out among the rest of the fleet?” 

“No, Admiral,” he said, swallowing thickly and feeling liquid creep down the back of his throat. 

“Commander McCoy, you will look at me properly when I address you.”

“Yes, Ma’am,” McCoy responded, and snapped his head back to attention, but that movement proved to be too much. His vision suddenly grew fuzzy around the edges and the last thing McCoy was aware of was the pain shooting through his knees as he crumpled to the floor.

“Bones!”

“Leonard!”


	5. Chapter 5

McCoy awoke to find himself lying on a bed in his own sickbay. He groaned and closed his eyes again as the lights hurt his still pounding head. He could hear movement and the red haze filtering through his eyelids seemed to dim a little. He cautiously opened his eyes again to find Jim and Spock sitting on either side of his bed.

He tried to sit up, but they stopped him. Jim put his hand on McCoy’s arm and Spock grabbed his other shoulder. As McCoy looked at them he saw that Jim’s eyes were glassy and felt that Spock’s grip on his shoulder was too firm.

They knew.

Jim managed to speak first.

“Why didn’t you tell us?”

McCoy averted his gaze and stared at the floor.

“It wasn’t something I could fix.”

Spock sat next to him on the bed, keeping his hand on McCoy’s shoulder.

“I do not understand.”

“I’m a doctor I’m supposed to help people. There’s no cure for this. What good was it to make you two suffer by telling you about something you couldn’t change-”

Jim cut him off as he leaned in and hugged McCoy hard.

“Because we love you and we’re supposed to tell each other when we’re hurt.”

Spock didn’t say anything but he shifted closer to Jim and McCoy as McCoy’s arms came up to hug Jim in return. 

After all that McCoy thought they still wanted him.

“I’m sorry. I thought it would be better if you two moved on without me. Rather than watching me waste away, you’ve been a couple before you can have that relationship again.”

Spock glared at him. “If you think, Leonard, that we will let you go and ‘move on’ without a fight you are sorely mistaken.”

“We’re all in this together, Bones, you are a part of this relationship and we don’t want to go back to just me and Spock. Do you know how hard it’s been seen you left our quarters? You don’t get to walk away to make it easier on us without our say so. And we say we’re not going away, now what can we do to help you?”

McCoy closed his eyes, fighting back tears, and buried his face in Jim’s shoulder.

“Just stay,” he whispered. 

So they stayed and held him and McCoy felt better than he had in a long time.

***

McCoy was released from sickbay shortly after that with strict instruction from Doctor Chapel to do nothing strenuous for the next forty-eight hours at minimum. So as Spock sat in the common room at the computer McCoy was resting with Jim in their bed where he belonged.

The computer beeped and his requested link was established, an elder Vulcan’s face filling the screen. 

“Mister Spock.”

“Ambassador Selek.”

“What is so urgent that you requested a private priority channel with me?” 

“I wish to make a request of you if I may.”

Selek sighed and shook his head. He thought they had moved on from him dispensing advice like a 20th century bartender.

“As the years have passed you have grown in many ways, Spock, and accepted your universe for what it is. I strongly believe that you should no longer have need of me.”

“While I do have a personal interest in this matter it is another’s life that is at stake. I ask for information on Doctor McCoy’s behalf.”

“Leonard?” Selek asked his eyes now wide with alarm. “What is it?”

“We have been informed that he has contracted Xenoploy-”

Selek didn’t even let him finish.

“How long has he been showing symptoms?”

“It is difficult to say. He has kept his illness from us.”

“What are your coordinates? I will find transportation and intercept the Enterprise immediately.”

“As you wish.”

Spock gave him the proper coordinates and not even bothering to give a proper salute Selek thanked him and signed off. Satisfied that there might be a reason to hope Spock left the computer and joined Jim and McCoy in bed.

He lay there for a while running his fingers lightly through McCoy’s hair. For weeks now McCoy had avoided him, had avoided being close to him. Spock had thought it was over an emotional hurt, now he knew it was much worse. Even through such light touch Spock could sense the weariness and sickness that filled McCoy’s body. Just looking at him one could see that McCoy had lost weight and wasn’t sleeping well. But Spock promised that he wouldn’t let McCoy go through any more of it alone. He and Jim would support their partner whatever the final outcome was. 

As he wrapped his arms around McCoy tightly Jim shifted and his eyes fluttered open. “Hey, where were you?”

“I was seeking help from an old friend.”


	6. Chapter 6

Jim, Spock, and McCoy were crowded together on their couch when a sharp hail filled the room.

“Bridge to Captain.”

Jim shifted and hit the intercom, clearly irritated. 

“Yes, Uhura?”

“Sir, the USS Saratoga is requesting permission to transport over a passenger.”

“If it’s anyone beside Ambassador Selek tell them to screw off I’m busy.”

“Jim!”

Jim glanced at his two lovers.

“What?”

Spock sighed and reached over to the intercom himself.

“Uhura, please allow the passenger to come aboard and I will speak with them.”

Spock left as Jim went back to tending to McCoy. McCoy rolled his eyes at Jim’s attempts to be his nursemaid.

“Jim, it’s just a nosebleed. I’ve had them before.”

Jim glared at him.

“It’s being going on for ten minutes and you were already pale as milk before then so excuse me for being concerned.” 

McCoy wanted to glare back. To tell him that this was the kind of thing he wanted to prevent him and Spock from going through. But Jim’s hands were light as he worked and McCoy knew he really did just want to help. This wasn’t the time for petty fighting. So he leaned back and let Jim do his work.

“Thanks, Jim.”

“It’s what I’m here for.”

By the time Spock returned with Selek close behind him Jim had gotten McCoy cleaned up and had the oxygen mask he had been using before the nosebleed started back over his face.

“Thanks for coming,” Jim said.

Selek nodded and sat down next to McCoy, pulling out a tricorder from his pocket. McCoy raised an eyebrow at the device that was smaller than his and appeared quite well used.

It still worked though as it whirled and beeped, and gave a readout that Selek frowned at.

“It is that bad?” Spock asked.

“He is farther along than I had hoped.” 

“But you can still help him right?” Jim asked, almost pleading. 

“I know the cure however, I cannot guarantee success. In my universe Doctor McCoy was not as advanced with the disease as you are when he received the same treatment.”

“But you’ll still try?” 

“Of course I shall,” Selek looked directly at McCoy. “If I have your permission, Doctor McCoy.”

McCoy sat up fully on the couch, pulling the mask off so he could talk properly.

“Can I discuss it with you first?”

Spock and Jim looked shocked.

“Bones, what the hell is there to talk about!?”

“Leonard, you can’t be thinking of rejecting possible treatment.”

McCoy looked at them sternly.

“I want to talk with him about it first. Alone.”

“But-”

“Please you two.”

They looked at each other for a moment and then Jim and Spock reluctantly left.

Selek watched them go and then turned his attention fully to McCoy. 

“If you have concerns about the procedure, Doctor McCoy, I can explain everything.”

“No, that’s not it I know every treatment normally carries some kind of risk. It’s just…you’re giving me knowledge I wouldn’t have had otherwise, from another time. We all know what happened because of Nero. All the people we lost. If giving me this treatment disrupts something else then I can’t do it. I won’t let someone else be hurt for me. I’m a doctor I can’t take life even if it’s to save myself.”

“I understand, Doctor McCoy, and I’m sorry that I cannot say for certain that nothing will be changed by this. However, I do think that many more lives would be saved if you are here than not and…if I may make a rather selfish argument.” 

Selek took McCoy’s hand gently in his, running his fingers along the ring on McCoy’s pinky finger. Selek recognized it of course. It was the same ring that his McCoy had always worn for all the years Selek had known him. It had the same blue stone and the small gold band. It was a ring he had cherished. It was a ring that in Selek’s own universe now rested on his daughter Joanna’s finger.

“I had to let you go once, Leonard, please do not ask me to do so again.”

McCoy stared at him for a moment, looking into eyes that had seen too much and lost too much and agreed.

***

McCoy couldn’t help but be nervous as he looked up at the ceiling of surgery. He shouldn’t be Selek had been as thorough as any Vulcan, double checking everything and explaining the entire procedure. Christine was a competent doctor and knew what she doing, but death was something humans had feared since the beginning of time and it seemed he was no different.

“Just breathe deeply and relax, Leonard,” Christine said, her voice firm and confident as she started working the anesthesia into his body. 

Yes she was a fine doctor and he could take pride in helping her get there. He could take pride in the fact that he was a good physician and that Selek was right. There were lots of people that were better off because of the work he had done. Even if he didn’t make it through this he had done good while he was here.

McCoy’s eyes flickered over to the two men at his side. The ones who had said they would stay with him through this and they had.  


Jim leaned down and kissed him hard as Spock his fingers along McCoy’s pressing them firmly together. 

“We love you, Bones.”

“I love you too.”

They stayed with him now too. Their hands holding on tightly to his as the world slipped away.


	7. Chapter 7

McCoy opened his eyes slowly. The world was bright, but it didn’t fade into the familiar patterns of lights on the sickbay ceiling. Instead it dimmed to a muted blue with a few wispy clouds hanging over head.

He sat up to find himself in a grassy field, but he couldn’t actually feel the grass beneath him. He couldn’t feel the warmth of the sun or the wind blowing the trees in the distance. Everything was simply still and silent. 

Getting up slowly McCoy began walking. He didn’t know where he was going he just wanted to find someone who could tell him what the hell was going on.

He walked for what felt like hours, but the sun never moved from its spot in the sky. Eventually he spotted a man sitting on a rock in the endless field. He was dressed in ancient Western attire and was idling twirling a large rope in his hands.

McCoy just gaped at the man. He wanted to ask so many things and yet the man looked so ridiculous to McCoy that no words came out.

The man eventually looked over at him and smiled. McCoy gasped because his face was familiar. He looked so much like his father and yet not. The hair wasn’t quite the same, the face was just a little a different. Selek had talked about letting him go of the other him, but this couldn’t be him, could it? 

“W-Where am I?” McCoy managed to stammer out.

“Limbo, at least I think that’s what it is.”

“How long have you been here?”

He shrugged. “I don’t know. Judging by you I’d say it’s been some time.”

“What’s with the outfit?”

“It’s either a subconscious manifestation of my inner self…or a way to keep me from being bored,” he said, roping a nearby fence post before flicking the rope off and wrapping it back up again. 

“Is it just us here?”

He shook his head, his striking blue eyes gazing out to the distance. “No, Jim’s out there somewhere I can feel it.”

McCoy glared at him “And you’re just sittin’ here?!”

“I can’t go to him yet I have to wait.”

“Wait? Why?”

“Because Spock isn’t here yet, but I know he will be one day and I’ll be here when he is. Then we’ll go find Jim. That’s how we’ve always done it.” 

“And you’re just going to sit on this rock in that outfit for however long that takes?”

The man nodded.

“We go together or not at all.”

McCoy locked eyes with the man, needing to understand him.

“Why?”

“Because they need me, and I’ll always be there for them.”

McCoy just stood there dumbfounded. The man said it with such conviction. He was so sure of his place with Jim and Spock. How he could be so confident, so certain? McCoy knew Jim and Spock loved him and he loved them, but asking if they really needed him? McCoy could never be so sure about that. 

“How can you be so sure? How could I ever be so sure?”

The man sighed and stood up, putting his hand on McCoy’s shoulder. 

“I ain’t here to dispense advice, Boy. You want to know how they feel about you then you talk to them when you get back.” 

McCoy wanted to ask more but he suddenly felt himself being roughly pulled away and the world went black again.

***

When McCoy opened his eyes this time the world came into focus properly and his sickbay was as it should be.

“What happened?” he asked groggily, trying to sit up.

He didn’t get far as a soft hand pushed him back down.

“Don’t move, Len, or you’ll undo all of our hard work.”

McCoy obediently stayed why he was, looking expectantly at Doctor Chapel and Selek.

“The treatment was successful,” Selek supplied.

“It was close, Leonard, but you made it through. Your body will need significant recovery time.” 

“Prognosis?”

“Your hemoglobin count is back to normal, Doctor McCoy, which indicates that the flow of oxygen to each cell of your body is back up to its abundantly energetic level.”

McCoy couldn’t hold back a smile at that.

“Thank you.”

“I am most grateful I could help. I shall go get Jim and my counterpart, they will be anxious to see you.”

With that Selek turned to leave, but McCoy reached out and grabbed his wrist.

“Wait! I-I don’t know if this means anything at all, but…while I was out I was at this place-he called it limbo. Anyway I saw a man there and I think he was me. Your version of me, your McCoy, and he said he was waiting for you. That you two would go together or not at all. I…I thought you should know that.”

Selek nodded.

“Thank you.”

He left the room and moments later Kirk and Spock rushed in, and after being given a laundry list of dos and don’ts Chapel let them approach the bed.

Jim reached over and squeezed McCoy’ shoulder gently.

“You look awful, Bones.”

McCoy chuckled softly. “Hello to you too, Sunshine.”

“Are you all right, Leonard?” Spock has eyes wide and shining.

McCoy reached out his hand, clasping Spock’s as tightly as he could. Jim put his hand on top of both of theirs. 

“Yeah, I know I look like something the cat dragged in right now, but I really think I’m going to be okay.”


	8. Chapter 8

For the first week of recovery McCoy spent most of it asleep. The second week he spent resting in his quarters. He knew getting released so quickly had been Jim and Spock’s doing. Unlike them McCoy always tried to be on his best behaviour when he was under care in sickbay, set the good example and all that. Sure he may have double checked all his readings and complained about the fruit cup Nurse Meyer gave him for lunch one day, but other than that he was a model patient. 

He was a model patient when he went back for his follow up exam too, and as he sat on the bio-bed with a clean bill of health staring back at him from the PADD he started thinking. Thinking about the life he had assumed was over that was suddenly open to him again and realized that he really needed to talk to Jim and Spock.

***

When Jim and Spock came into their quarters after their shift they found McCoy setting out utensils on the small table where the computer normally sat. 

“What is this?” Jim asked as he sat down and looked at bowl of green leaves in front of him.

McCoy glared. “Just eat the damn salad, Jim, or you don’t get the main course.”

Jim pouted, but ate the salad anyway, while complaining that there wasn’t enough dressing until the yeoman came to drop off the main course and collect the dishes.

“Thank you, Yeoman Rand.” 

She nodded. “Also, Captain, I finished cataloging the crew evaluations I’ll just leave the work here for you to finish signing off on shall I?" 

Jim groaned.

“You’re welcome, sir.” She smiled then and left the room.

Wanting to avoid thinking about paperwork Jim dove into his dinner.

“You know this really is delicious,” he said around a mouthful of mashed potatoes. 

“Well it better be I made it.”

Jim gaped at McCoy. “You cooked this?!”

“You shouldn’t be doing any strenuous activities,” Spock said sternly. 

McCoy shrugged. “I knew you two were busy and I wanted to do something nice…and also I want to discuss something.”

Spock put down his fork.

“Was there something wrong with the tests, Leonard?”

“No, no, the tests were fine. Everything looks great and that’s why I wanted to talk to you guys.”

“What’s up, Bones?”

McCoy sat quietly for a moment taking the time to gather his nerves.

“I know before all of this that you two were talking about assignments after this mission and now that I have that kind of future ahead of me too I wanted to say that I don’t want to take another assignment out in space. You wanted to keep everyone together and I know this throws a wrench into your plans so if you want to break it off now I-”

“Why is break up with us your go to option for everything, Bones?”

“What?”

“First you decided to break up with us rather then tell us you were sick, and now you want to drop this just because our plans aren’t in line with yours, why?”

McCoy slammed his fist against the table. “Because you two are a team dammit! Command wants you and will do anything to keep you. Me I’m just a doctor I can be replaced. Christine is more than capable of taking over as CMO.”

At that announcement Jim got up from his chair went over to McCoy and hugged him.

“You’re not just a doctor, Bones, you’re our doctor.” 

Spock got up and joined them.

“Indeed, Leonard, you have provided me with exceptional care over the years despite my…irritating Vulcan numbers as you so often describe them.”

“And you’re the one who always keeps my corn-fed allergic self in one piece.”

McCoy rolled his eyes. “Christine, helps too you know.”

“Yeah, but you always show how much you love me by yelling at me about it afterwards.”

Leaving dinner for the moment Jim and Spock moved McCoy into the middle of the room and sat him down on the couch.

“What do you wish to do, Leonard, may I ask, if you won’t take re-assignment?”

McCoy looked at his hands, twisting his fingers together nervously.

“Joanna’s birthday is a month after we’re supposed to dock. She’ll be twelve, old enough to challenge the custody arrangements made when Jocelyn and I divorced. I don’t know if she’ll want to, but I want to be close just in case. I don’t know what I’ll do actually. Maybe work at Starfleet Medical, or do lectures, or take really early retirement. I just want to be able to stay on Earth for her.”

Spock nodded. “I see.”

Jim smiled.

“Well Scotty thinks the refit will take at least a year so we have lots of time to plan everything.”

McCoy stared at Jim. “We?”

“Of course, Leonard, if you wish to remain on Earth we will stay with you. There are ample positions at the Academy and with my experiences on this mission I could make an excellent curriculum for incoming cadets.”

Jim nodded. “Besides maybe it’s time I spent less time in space. If little Jo Jo wants to be with you then Starfleet is going to need a poster boy to help develop a family program for starships.”

McCoy couldn’t believe what he was hearing.

“But-but, Jim, this is your life.”

Jim looked at McCoy his face serious and his lips set in a firm line.

“No, Bones, you and Spock are my life. Yes, I love the Enterprise and being her captain is the best job in the universe, but if you two weren’t here to share it all with me it would be empty.”

“You are important to us, Leonard, far more than where we work and we want you to know that.”

“I do know that and I feel the same way about you two. That’s why I want to make sure you two aren’t sacrificing everything that’s important just for me.”

“There is nothing we would not do for you.”

“And there’s nothing ‘just’ about you. I need you, Bones, you and Spock are like my right and left hands I’d be lost without you. You aren’t less than him.”

“Indeed, Leonard. We have our share of differences, but I feel that makes us stronger as a result. You challenge me, you test me, and I love you all the more for that.”

McCoy thought back to his time in limbo or whatever weird headspace that had been and realized the other McCoy had been right they did need him.

“Thank you,” he whispered.

“Thank you, Bones.”

“Me? What for?”

Jim only hugged him harder, but Spock managed to speak.

“You fought against your disease and won, Leonard, and we are so very grateful.”

McCoy nodded and held his lovers close knowing now that whatever the future held for them they were going to face it together.

The End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well we have reached the end at last. Thank you so much to everyone who has read this story and left comments and kudos you are all wonderful and I appreciate the support. Also feel free to keep an eye on my profile as a sequel is a distinct possibility.


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